I have been trying hard to remain focused. I spend allot of energy on things which would possibly materialize to achievement. But I still feel dilapidated. Some of the mistakes that I had cajoled very beautifully in the past keep coming back to me and kick my ass. I know these things cannot be changed but it simply bothers me every now and then. I am actually tired and deeply pissed off. I have taken few decisions in life which I am not very sure off as on date. I feel scared of not getting the right results and making it to the top.

When I see my fellows, things are different for them. Some of them have run away from responsibilities and are in a way moving ahead on their career path without any relative/parental obligations to support. They think big and they get enough time for themselves to evolve and act big. They work and work and work and I am sure they are bound to make it big.

Today, I don’t see myself stand anywhere near them. I have done some blunders in the past and I feel relented. I am aware of how hopeless I feel when I compare myself to some of these people. These people have got opportunity to do something, which I always wanted to do. I have taken decisions on such high costs that presently, I feel just so painful. I really don’t know now what will take to instigate me to move forward. I see blind. 

Sometimes climate plays a folly on me. It becomes too difficult for me to maintain my real self. When I look outside this broken piece of wood, I see everything go so lull. This makes me feel so relinquished in life that everything seems meaningless. Actually everything around us is ‘meaningless’. In fact, this life is empty and meaningless. It is we as human beings who have created our own subjects, percepts and what not.

Guys, I don’t say this. It’s Balwinder Singh Sodhi at the Landmark Forum who relishes such kind of debonair, mind vetted statements. It’s difficult to comprehend what I went across during my sessions at the Landmark. However, few things did make allot of sense.

I personally relate to many things as I experience the same delinquency on various aspects in life. I feel dreaded sometimes for the decisions that I make both in personal and professional life. I feel insecure but then I persuade myself by telling myself that “we are our own leaders and we have to take responsibility of everything we do.”

I don’t know but this rain is making me feel so low today. Today, it’s been raining and for the last 3 days in particular, I have not been doing very well. I am a bit upset with something. I wanted that thing to happen as I had already expressed profoundly, still I couldn’t manage to put the point across. Consecutively, everything went bust. I feel sad for myself today. I want that thing to change desperately. And this rain makes me feel more sick, more helpless and even more in-despair. Help!!Lol.